I had pretty severe hand pain in both hands for the last two days. This morning, the pain had not lessened so I called urgent care, told them what was going on and asked for suggestions. They told me that I had probably strained something in the area where the tendinitis had been diagnosed, and told me:
A. Don’t play guitar at all or do anything else that requires tight gripping in the hands for at least a two to three months, to give the inflamed area time to rest and recover.
B. Call my doctor on Tuesday for further treatment options.
C. Cancel the gig coming up in two weeks at the women’s retreat.
I called my contact at Camp Schechter and pulled out. I did try to find a sub but could not. I hope they find someone but it’s literally out of my hands now. I have to walk away.
I put my guitar back in its case, put the case back in the rack in the studio, and called it a career.
I’m now officially no longer taking any guitar gigs. I can’t. I will contact the shul where I work once a month and let them know that we will either have to modify what I do for them, or they will have to hire someone else to do this work.
I’m a little worried about replacing the money I’ve been earning — it hasn’t been much, but it’s something — but more than that, this marks a significant shift not only in my work, but in my life. I could rely on my ability to play guitar and write songs as a way to generate income, but as of today, that’s no longer the case. Even if I could return to playing again after a few months off, it likely wouldn’t t be at the quantity or quantity it had been before my hands developed the tendinitis. If I take too much time off, things will get rusty, and I’d run the risk of re-injuring my hands to get back up to speed, a potential vicious circle. My age is also a fairly large factor in the equation.
So I am officially forced by my health issues to stop pursuing work as a guitar player. And at this time, I can’t even play for fun.
I can play drums — gently, and for short periods of time with breaks in between — so all is not lost.
But it does put an official end to my career as a working singer-songwriter, and probably as a synagogue musician (since I don’t have tons of cantorial training or liturgical experience, and there just aren’t that many synagogue jobs available in not-so-Jewish Portland, AND I have a bunch of stuff going on medically, AND I’m 61. It’s a lot of ands).
It’s interesting. For about an hour after I canceled my gig, both hands hurt tremendously. The left hand eventually settled down, but it felt like a dam wall [on how much I was willing my hands to keep doing things the way they had] had burst, and this pain I’d held myself back from acknowledging sort of burst to the forefront of things. Tonight, both hands still hurt, the right more than the left. But I feel like everything is happening that’s supposed to right now, and I’ve had a good run.
For someone who grew up on the outside looking in, and who operated from the margins the whole time, I believe I’ve had a tremendous run, an amazing run. And tonight, I am nothing but grateful for all of it. My large guitar has made it possible for me to travel all over this beautiful country and meet and be friend some of the most wonderful human beings ever. I feel incredibly blessed by it all, and blessed by the friendships that we have sustained over the last twenty-five years. And I am still, and always, the musician I was born to be. I’m not done with music by any stretch yet.
Stay tuned for my next post, where I will describe My Next Big Project.
Have a good week.
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