I played guitar today.

I played guitar today.

If I hang in there for more than ten minutes, some of the pain subsides and I can go for about thirty minutes before my hands get tired and stiff. That seems to bode well for possibilities going forward.

I have an appointment with an orthopedist in early February and hope to get useful info, including potential treatments that will give me some relief.

I still feel mentally and physically exhausted on the whole, and physical efforts are rewarded with slight Long Covid symptoms — shortness of breath, elevated heart rate — and I still struggle with fatigue. So I’m not back to any kind of “normal”, and I recognize that I may not return to the normal I enjoyed before the pandemic. So I’m not making plans for any big trips until I have more information.

I HAVE accepted an invitation to provide music and worship leadership for a women’s retreat in early March, at Camp Solomon Schechter in Washington State. It’s a beautiful place that I’m fond of, and I’ve been assured there will be time for me to relax as well. They’re providing my transpo, room and board and paying me a small stipend. It will be a mellow gig.

Next month, my Bremerton Rabbi is coming for a short visit. We’ll talk about next fall, of course, and also just hang out a little bit. It is my hope that I will be well enough to do at least one more High Holy Days for them, if not a few more.

I recognize that I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. AND I know that a fair amount about my health and day-to-day living has changed. But I would still like to feel connected through my ability to do things — to make music and hang out with people and be a part of the world around me. It’s just hard to see ahead to that right now when all I want to do is sleep a lot and keep my joints as pain-free as I can.

I’m in a holding pattern, a time of transition and letting go of old things that no longer serve me.

I’ll just need to sit tight, hang loose and take my time.