Talking with my counselor today, I came across a graphs that shows the stages of emotional life — where one finds themselves psychologically and emotionally at each stage of life. Based on this graph, I am hovering on the cusp of leaving the stage of engaging with work and family and community on the most productive way, and entering a time of pondering my life’s lessons and my legacy as begin to consider my impermanence.
This is the bigger part of what I’ve been processing over the last couple of years, especially since Long Covid and other medical issues have begun to slow down my physicality.
Arriving at this understanding helps make so much more sense of where I am right now, and the things I’ve been wrestling with.
Don’t watch this space for more angst about Israel-Palestine. It has never been a big enough deal in my life for me to focus deeply or heavily on in a prolonged way, and it feels like the best choice for me now is to lessen my focus and attention on it.
Don’t watch this space for upcoming cross-country tours. I think I’m done with those. I may make a trip to a conference if it promises personal and communal enrichment, but in terms of using such conferences to network for future out-of-state gigs — well, with very few exceptions, I feel fairly done with that.
In fact, about the only conference I’d continue to attend if finances permit might be Women Cantors’ Network, which is the organization where I’ve found the most and best support personally and professionally. If I had a lot of money, I’d make a huge donation to them because they are an amazing community of women (and a couple men) who share their wisdom and friendship freely and with so much love.
Other conferences I’ve attended have been instructional and helpful, but have not resonated quite as deeply.
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I’ll still make music — I can’t not — but I expect it to be on a more local level going forward.
I’ll busk where I can get away with it, and I’ll play at Shaarie Torah for as long as they need me. Also, I hope to do at least one more High Holy Days trip to Bremerton if my physical health permits. I don’t yet know what all of the non-synagogue stuff will look like, but it’s in the mix.
If finances permit, I’d like to make a trip back east, either for a Percussive Arts Society convention or for a USARD convention. That’s not so high a priority, but I’ve never been able to travel solo for fun as an adult, only for work; and it would be fun to take myself to an event for fun at least once if I can.
The rest remains a work in progress, and subject to change at any time.
I’m amazed at how calm I feel putting this out there.
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