Wellbutrin

I finally got seen by one of my doctors today.

First off, I shared all my concerns with her, including how abandoned I’ve felt since the Covid pandemic began. It helped to name everything I was feeling and had been feeling for a long time. She was kind and sympathetic, and said that she would do what she could.

We started with getting help with my hands, which have not improved with refraining from playing guitar. I’m getting referred to an occupational therapist who may be able to help me find new ways to use my hands that won’t hurt as much. They may also be able to give me a more accurate template of when and how to rest my hands so there can be improvement. I’ve been advised not to hold out hope for a return to full, professional-level guitar playing — my hands have decades of honest wear in them — but at this point it would be great to find some pain relief and still be able to use my hands for daily, basic things.

Then we turned to my ADHD, which has been wreaking havoc because of all the unmasking. I’ve been gaining weight again thanks to dopamine chasing (I’m hopelessly addicted to sugar and have had a difficult time with emotional regulation), and the doctor asked if I’d be open to trying non-stimulant medication. After researching possible side effects and making sure it would play nice with all the meds I already take, we decided I would begin taking Wellbutrin, a drug that’s often used to treat ADHD and some of its depressive side issues. Wellbutrin also helps to curb cravings and is often used for people trying to quit smoking, so it may help me eat a little less sugar. It’s totally safe to use with my other meds and I hope it prove useful.

I’m also signed up for an ADHD support group beginning next month. I hope it will help me find some strategies to manage basic things, like money and time, and to keep better track of the growing list of medications I’m now on.

It is a LOT of work to deal with all the things right now, and it is exhausting. So I may not go to Bike Farm tonight as I’d previously planned. I’m kinda beat.

Layers upon layers (Grand Canyon, but also maybe my brain)